Let's face it. You're broke AF. Gurl, aren't we all.
Your friendly coffee gays are here to help!
You don't need to spend a lot of money to brew really good coffee at home. You’re a crafty queen, get creative and use what you have! We’re going to give you tips on which brewing method will require you to purchase the least amount of equipment, and get you brewing a fierce cup like a true broke-ass bitch.
First things first. Do you have any of these coffee makers already?
- Drip coffee maker (single serve or pot)
- Pod coffee maker (k-cups)
- Espresso machine
If so, here's how you can improve your cup right now:
💁 Buy better coffee
Simple but true. If you've been buying ground coffee from the grocery store, you've been buying coffee that's been going stale in the bag for 6-8 months or longer. Our coffee beans are roasted fresh each week! Giving you the best flavor possible. Try our signature medium roast, Slay All Day!
🫘 Grind your beans before brewing
During the roasting process, coffee beans absorb gasses from the heat (and the other science-y stuff that happens). Those gasses help give coffee it's flavor and notes when you brew. That's why our first recommendation is to buy whole bean coffee and grind right before you brew! You'll taste the difference, no matter what coffee maker you have or what method you use to brew.
Don't have a grinder? The most affordable option is...
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Blade coffee grinder — A blade coffee grinder is essentially a mini blender with low-sitting blades. Do you already have a spice grinder? Or a small blender, like a smoothie blender? Look, it's going to be crusty as hell, but this is literally how we started grinding coffee before we bought a grinder. It’s not going to get the coffee fine enough for espressos, but if you need medium-large grounds for a drip machine or French press, this will get you by for a little while. Only run with short bursts, so you don’t overheat the beans. |
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Mortar and pestle — If you’re feeling extra caveman-chique |
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Smash them with a mallet or rolling pin — Or choose violence each morning and smash them with a hammer! Your coffee grounds will have absolutely zero consistency in the grind size, but at least you had fun and scared the shit out of whatever poor soul lives with you. |
🚫 Ditch the plastic k-cups
Are you buying coffee pods? Disgusting! Stop it. Don’t do that. The coffee grounds in this pods have been going stale for months. And you do realize you are heating up plastic with hot water, right? I don't want to think about what micro-plastics are you releasing into your coffee. Nasty behavior. You will immediately taste a difference if you grind your own coffee and use a reusable pod. Yes, it takes more work to brew your cup, but you’ll thank me for it.
Get your big, beautiful ass a reusable filter pod that fits your machine. They’re like $14-20. Avoid plastic materials. I don’t want to see you brewing coffee grounds in plastic pods ever again.
If you don't have a coffee maker, and can't afford one right now, here are some ways to brew coffee with equipment you might already have!
Do you have a tea kettle?
An electric tea kettle is going to be super easy to make hot water. Which is really useful when you want to brew hot coffee.
Try these brewing methods:
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French press — You can buy a French press for as cheap as $10. But pay attention to the materials. You don’t really want your brewing equipment to be made of a lot of plastic parts. Look for metal and glass materials. And considerbuying one second-hand! As long as it was kept clean, a French press can live a long life, so finding one slightly used can save money. And you don’t evenneed to buy paper coffee filters! |
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Pour Over — There’s two main pour over brewers available: one with a steeper that drips into a pot, and one that is a steeper that you set on top of your mug. Prices range between $20-50 and higher, so again, take advantage of your local thrift store, and snatch one up when you see it. Note, you will need paper coffee filters for this brewing method. |
🧊 Do you like iced coffee?
Brewing cold brew is way easier than you think, and you can get by with the simplest kitchen tools you already have. All you need is a container to hold water, and a way to filter the coffee grounds out of the water. But for only around $20 you can buy a cold brew coffee maker. It’s basically a pitcher with a metal infuser inside.
"But, queens!" you may say, "I like my coffee hot, and I literally can't afford to breathe right now. What DO I DOOOOOOOO!"
Gurl, calm down. If you're that broke bitch, let me ask you this... Do you have a pot? And are you desperate enough to try...
🤠 Cowboy Coffee — (or cowthey/thems coffee)
If you want to get real broke bitch about your coffee brewing, let’s live our cowboy fantasies and just BOIL COFFEE ON THE STOVE. All you need is a pot. That’s it, you dumb slut.
- Boil your water, turn off heat, add coarse coffee grounds, give a gentle stir to wet grounds, steep for 3-5 minutes, when the grounds fill with water, they’ll sink to the bottom. Then just pour the coffee, slowly and carefully, keeping all the grounds at the bottom of the pot.
If you still can't brew coffee after this, that's okay. You prioritize what you need right now, and come back when you're ready.
Yours truly,
The Coffee Queens 💕
